The Grammar Police Are Watching Every Word You Write

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Grammar Police

There are Grammar officers in their thousands nowadays.

They are ever watchful and frightfully quick on the draw. Whenever the tiniest grammatical error, typo, or erroneous spelling mistake hits the ether of the Internet, they are onto it. And in a flash.

So fast, that I might forget all about undertaking the tedious task of proofreading my blog posts from now on. I simply need to wait for the Grammar Cops to do all the hard work for me.

It’s a marvellous, free community service that will save me hours and hours of tedious work.

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So how does my cunning plan work?

I stumbled upon the idea a couple of days ago when I really made a very clumsy error.

I wrote a new blog post. But it was well after midnight by the time I had finished. So I left it sitting in WordPress draft and planned to do my proofreading and format checking the next morning.

Better to be fresh to do all that sort of thing before hitting the publish button.

However, because I was quite tired, I clicked the wrong button on my WordPress editor by accident. Instead of clicking Save Draft, I had clicked Publish.

I didn’t notice of course, and I went off to get ready for bed. I grabbed my phone to set my alarm. But as I did, I noticed three new notifications on my Twitter feed and a site contact message.

Yes, they were messages from four wonderfully alert Grammar officers!

One was even kind enough to post a small image of the grammatical errors they found in my text. It was complete with little red corrections. How wonderfully thoughtful. Thank you, officer.

When I checked the link, I realised straight away what had happened. I had carelessly published my draft blog post.

It was published and live on my blog, complete with typos and errors. I hadn’t even got around to doing my habitual Grammarly check.

I ran back to my laptop and started correcting some of the most obvious errors, in a flash. Phew! I had saved my writer reputation or at least salvaged it.

As I headed back to bed, I realised something.  These English language Grammar officers are fast, efficient and vigilant. And as I discovered, they are a lot more helpful than I could ever have imagined.

And how nice was it of the one officer who went to all the trouble of sending me an image? Complete with those little red proofreader corrections.

Clearly, the Grammar force must be well equipped. They probably have hundreds of RSS feeds, Google Alerts and other clever techie tools to track new blog posts.

With this technology, they can instantly peruse texts for the smallest sign or hint of grammatical and spelling offences.

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In my case, one your instead of you’re. I did double my offence, though. I had done a copy and paste of part of this offending phrase, for emphasis.

 

So, yes, I got into double grammar trouble.

Anyway, the upshot of this little episode is now quite clear. I can save myself a lot of time and energy. I can sit back and rely on the efficiency of the grammar police to find all my erroneous errors and slips.

I don’t need to slave over my blog posts, proofreading and correcting before publishing.

All I need to do is publish. Then wait for the Grammar (Nazi ?) cops to leap into action and save my bacon.

Within thirty minutes, I can quickly scan all their suggested corrections. Then make the edits where needed, and quickly republish my absolutely perfect text.

Before anyone other than the members of the Grammar Force has had a chance to read it, of course.

What a cunning little plan it is.

Their, they’re, there. I am only joking and pulling you’re leg.

 

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Derek Haines

Webmaster and Writer at Just Publishing Advice
A Cambridge qualified CELTA English teacher and author of 18 books with a life long passion for publishing in all its forms.
I started my working life as a lithographer and then spent over 30 years in the printing and publishing business.
Originally from Australia, I moved to Switzerland 20 years ago. My days are spent teaching English, writing and wrestling with technology while enjoying my glorious view of the Alps.
Derek Haines
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Derek Haines

A Cambridge qualified CELTA English teacher and author of 18 books with a life long passion for publishing in all its forms. I started my working life as a lithographer and then spent over 30 years in the printing and publishing business. Originally from Australia, I moved to Switzerland 20 years ago. My days are spent teaching English, writing and wrestling with technology while enjoying my glorious view of the Alps.

9 thoughts on “The Grammar Police Are Watching Every Word You Write

  • April 14, 2019 at 3:28 pm
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    this makes no sense lol. no need for comma and their makes no sense, at least you tried

    Reply
  • May 11, 2018 at 12:22 am
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    It appears that most errors are simply typos, I think that most people actually DO know the difference between your and you’re but made a mistake which proofreading should eliminate.

    So the answer to stopping grammar police is proof reading.

    If you still have errors, maybe you deserve their attention and should learn the rules!!

    And if you STILL have errors, you might deserve all the trolling you get.

    Reply
  • January 27, 2018 at 8:16 pm
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    For a while my email signature said “Profread, porfread, poofread; it’s very impotent.” People kept emailing me back to point out my errors so I gave up on humor.

    Reply
  • April 24, 2017 at 8:49 am
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    Your sign should read,They’re there for you. Not ,Their they’re for you.

    Reply
  • February 7, 2017 at 7:12 pm
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    Love the spellcheck too! Write posts in Word.doc first to organize, and correct grammar, then copy into WordPress to publish. Works for me! Christine

    Reply
  • February 4, 2017 at 2:55 pm
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    There is an excellent way not to upset them! Edit each and every post before pressing the publish button. Mind you, you can always go back and edit once published, but then you wouldn’t hear the end of it now would you? Damned if we do, damned if we don’t Derek ;)

    Reply
  • January 28, 2017 at 8:53 pm
    Permalink

    I feel for you! I published a draft one time, and now I’m a nervous wreck every time I write a post for fear that I’ll make that mistake again. I’m happy to see you can have a sense of humor about the situation, and thanks for sharing so we all know we aren’t alone!

    Reply

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