How to make your book a bestseller.
Every author wants their book to rise above the slush pile, the mid-list, and into the top ten of bestsellers. Why even settle for the top ten. Why not go straight for the number one bestseller?
However, it is quite surprising how few know how to achieve this simple feat.
Really, it’s child’s play if you follow the following useful five tips to make your book, no matter how good or long it is, a number one bestseller.
First, make sure you’ve actually written a book.
Too simple for some, but rule 101 in creating a bestseller is buying your own book.
Go crazy and blow your credit card limit here, as a faint heart never won fair lady.
Make sure your book is super cheap, then buy, buy, buy all day and night long.
Steal your wife, husband, girlfriend, boyfriend, or in fact, anyone’s credit card and implement tip one and over and over again.
I assure you it will make a difference to your bestseller ranking.
Your marriage, relationship, and criminal record? Well, you really, really want to be a bestselling author, don’t you?
Tell everyone in your family that you have a terminal illness, and your last wish is to be a bestselling author before you draw your last breath.
Tip. Make sure you look a little bit poorly, though, as you just can’t trust family to follow through on promises.
Open a Twitter account and get lots and lots of followers. When you have a goodly number, say 5,000, promise to pay $20 to everyone who buys your book.
Now the really important bit.
When about 1,000 of your Twitter followers have bought your book, leave town and change your name.
Don’t forget to give your kids a forwarding address.
This last tip is a gem and only for those who really, really, really want to become a bestselling author. Are you ready for this?
It’s not for the faint of heart. Ready? Sure?
Ok, here is the last tip. Write a sensationally good book and forget about all the tips above.
There we go. Easy huh?
Update: Because you do, in fact, need to write a book first, we have added a new article, How To Write A Book. It contains 10 similar useless pearls of wisdom to brighten your coffee break.
For a more serious approach to marketing your books successfully, I would suggest reading our article on the best ways to promote your book.